As I’ve written in this space before (most recently here), I have been working on a big project for almost two years now. Because it is big, it has been on my mind, almost literally, in some form or fashion for over 700 days. This post is one of those “what I’ve learned” things…if you don’t care, move on now and save yourself from some motivational/self-discovery thoughts (or skip to the bottom for the “big finish”).
The planning is done, and the launch of the big project is on the horizon, which is a relief in some ways, and scary in others. And while I would never compare the project I’m working on with the D Day invasion of World War II, there is one similarity: we’re done with the planning and prep, and we’re just waiting for the signal to “go.”
Once we get the go signal, of course, this project is going to occupy my thoughts again for what I think will be three years. But in this calm before the storm time, I have become aware of all the things that I’ve missed by living the details of planning and prepping the project.
I’ve missed music…and books…and conversations. I haven’t been aware of missing these things, of course, because of the focus on the project. But now, as a result of having a bit more time on my hands, I’ve discovered how much I’ve lost by not feeding my head, and my soul.
If you are not a musician, it may be hard to realize that, for a musician, making music can become a “job.” There are so many details and emotions and technical demands that you forget why you were called to make music in the first place. It is not that the joy goes away, but more that it is covered by layers of to do lists. As a creative, you can either ignore the to do lists, and hope you don’t starve, or you can do the things on the list, which take time from making music in this case. Everybody falls in a different place on this continuum, and there is some sort of price to pay for whatever choice you make. (For some hints on how to delegate and take things off your plate, read this.)
In my case, I “do” music, and I review music for the magazine, so just listening to music has become a job…I listen to make decisions. Same thing with reading. I’m either learning or reviewing, and that equals work.
I knew this was happening, of course, but as you all know, there are only 24 hours in a day. Not too long ago, though, the calm in the project progression met one of those “aha” moments: I watched what happened to my daughter’s outlook on life when she began dancing again.
<back story/context: my daughter practically came dancing out of the womb…and did so during most of her childhood. but life intervened, and dancing is not really much of a career (dancers are the lowest paid of all the arts practitioners, and have the shortest career spans due to the wear and tear on their bodies…mamas don’t let your babies grow up to the be dancers…). but within the last year, at an age north of 30, she began dancing again…and it has changed her whole outlook on life.>
The other thing that happened was my Ipod shuffle quest…and I started reading for pleasure again.
Suddenly, I’m “just” listening to music again, and I once again remember why I am a musician…and reading has become a better alternative to just turning on the TV to kill some time and take my mind off what needs to be done on the project.
Now the trick will be to keep these things in my schedule as the big project goes forward. I’m looking forward to it.
What about you. Are you having trouble distinguishing the “work” of your calling from the joy? Please leave a comment and let me know what’s happening, and how you’ve dealt with the problem. I’d be interested to know what your tips are.
Ipod shuffle status: 2024 (I’ve Got a Crush on You – Sarah Vaughan) of 7875
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UPDATE: I wrote in my post that
[Not too long ago, though, the calm in the project progression met one of those “aha” moments: I watched what happened to my daughter’s outlook on life when she began dancing again.
(back story/context: my daughter practically came dancing out of the womb…and did so during most of her childhood. but life intervened, and dancing is not really much of a career (dancers are the lowest paid of all the arts practitioners, and have the shortest career spans due to the wear and tear on their bodies…mamas don’t let your babies grow up to the be dancers…). but within the last year, at an age north of 30, she began dancing again…and it has changed her whole outlook on life.)]
and it turns out that my daughter wrote her own blog post about her process, which you can find at http://dancemaniac13.blogspot.com/2010/11/amazing.html
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